HUMOR

It’s 7pm and the guy on TV said it’s Friday. I’m sitting here wondering why I’m just finding that out.

SERoots

Did I miss another Trump Daily Briefing? I keep forgetting what day they come on.

SERoots

The country’s unemployment rate has reached normal Black people level. No wonder they’re so worried.

SERoots

I find it hard to recognize people I’ve known for years with these masks on until today at the gas station when I knew it was a childhood friend by the size of his big head. Is that wrong?

SERoots

My appetite starting to show signs of distress. I had spaghetti for breakfast and Honey Nut Cheerios for dinner. Lemme take my temperature

SERoots

Trump has got to stop talking to us like we don’t remember what he said 3-weeks ago.

SERoots

I found a small unopened bottle of Purell in the 1sr floor bathroom medicine cabinet. I immediately started to wonder what the street value is.

SERoots

Gas prices so low, the lawn service guy threw in a free haircut

SERoots

One mom picked up her son’s new laptop from the school, gift wrapped it and taped a note saying ‘Don’t open til Christmas.’

SERoots

People driving alone with masks on amuse me. It’s like they don’t want to risk passing the virus to Frankie Beverly

SERoots

I used my du rag as a mask until I started sneezing in waves

SERoots

I hate to see anyone lose their job, but the traffic reporter gotta be on thin ice right about now

SERoots

Used to not wanna get out of bed cause I was still tired. Now I don’t want to get out of bed cause I’m tired of trying to figure out what I’m going to do with myself more enjoyable than staying in bed

SERoots

My daughter said the dog is so mad and confused seeing everybody stay home all day everyday, she grabbed her leash and walked her damn self to get some me time away from humans

SERoots/Alise Roots

I heard a lady say she’s putting on her lashes and finally getting out the house. I might be going out later so I put my moustache on.

SERoots

Anybody else looking at their toilet paper roll like a gas gauge?

SERoots

Somebody said they gonna put a bottle of liquor in every room of the house, put on something sexy, turn up the music, and go bar hopping.

SERoots/YM

I been staying home so much, even my memory foam starting to forget his role

SERoots

Employers have coined a new term, ‘CP-Time Adjacent,’ for these people new to working from home and still showing up late?

SERoots

I risked my life going to Home Depot for a gallon of paint so I don’t lose my mind in this house.

SERoots

COVID-19 out here killing days of the week. Only thing left is Yesterday, Today, and maybe Tomorrow

SERoots

Travel plans for the weekend: To the window, to the wall.

someone on Twitter

Line dancing is one of the few fun group activities still allowed as long as you keep appropriate social distance. As for that one person who slides to the left when everyone else goes right, do with him as you please

SERoots

Somebody said to look out for these 2 new rappers: Lil Pan Dem Ek and KoViD Nineteen

somebody on Twitter

Somebody said, ‘Listening to Trump is like watching a 5th grader give a book report for a book he’s never read.’

David Allen Grier

Damn, I been cursing a lot today. WTF?

SERoots

Tennis is the only sport with built in social distance which favors sore losers who never wanted to shake the winner’s hand anyway

SERoots

Events have been pushed back further than LeBron’s hairline

SERoots

When Japan closed their schools I thought our kids finally had a shot to catch up. Now this…

The Brown Liquor Report podcast

I know I haven’t washed my hands enough today cause they ain’t ashy yet.

SERoots

My lil focus group confirms NBA withdrawal is real. Single guys are forced to watch movies. Married guys are forced to talk to their wife.

SERoots